youareloved – Fearfully Made by Gods Design

For the last few months I’ve been a little MIA on here. To be honest I’ve been completely overwhelmed. Telling myself I had no idea why even though I knew the answer. I needed more of Jesus. I don’t know if you get like this as well but the more chaotic things get and the more discontent I become I get more and more distracted. Rather than go to God and deal with the issues or how I may be feeling I try to self medicate. Even if at the time I don’t realize that’s what I’m doing. But the problem with these distractions are that they only continue to make you feel more discontent and more distracted. You get sucked into the cycle of trying to “fix” things yourself.

That’s the problem when you’re not spending time with God like you need to be. You forget who you are but more importantly whose you are. You don’t see His hand in your life as clearly as before. Everything becomes a little bit fuzzy. The distractions of this world start to eat up our time with our Father. Our time with Him is so special as fathers reinforce to us who we are and all we can do. Without them and left to our own devices we seek any other source to show us who we are. If we seek anything other than God to help us through we will fail. Usually pretty miserably. If not immediately it will happen eventually.

This is the point I was at. Floundering around wondering why things weren’t happening. Waiting on God’s promises. Yet, after a series of events it all just clicked as to why. I was holding all the control or so I thought. I would tell God I’m ready for x, y, and z. Yet my hands were so tightly grasped to things. I gave Him no room to move.

Despite me ignoring God and the signs He was giving me He did something this last week. God supernaturally provided a new job for me. The last few years He continually gave me sign after sign to leave my current job. Presenting red flag after red flag from the very beginning. But I was too afraid to make a wrong decision. I was waiting on God to speak to me or show me a clear answer …even though He was. Every sign I excused away. Every red flag I made an exception. Waiting for the “perfect” time or opportunity to leave. But God was waiting on me to take the leap and trust Him. My current job provided the most toxic atmosphere and slowly stripped me from all that I was. Consumed with uncertainty on what to do I just decided to give up. But God showed up. He graciously stepped in as He saw me struggling after He continually gave me the signs to leave. He randomly plopped an opportunity into my lap. I was asked to apply for a position and the following day had an interview. Three days later I was offered that position.

Through all of it there was a lot of inner turmoil and feeling this wasn’t what I thought things should be. However, I knew it was the right move. I realized I had been limiting God by my need to be in control. Even though I would tell Him I was open to whatever He wanted I was really thinking and saying “Yes God I want your plans… but here are my plans and my plans are the right way. Please do this.” Anything other than what I thought was “right” or “perfect” couldn’t be of God and sent me into a panic fearing I was losing my control. I think we do that a lot with God. We ask Him to bless our idea of perfect rather than asking Him was his plan for us. Also failing to realize how much He loves us and that His plans far exceed our own.

As God was revealing bits to me He told me He did all this to show me that I can trust Him and He wants me to totally rely on Him and trust Him. I was struggling and yes sometimes God lets us go through that. But there comes a point where He will step in. I was at the end of myself and all I could do. Crying out to God for months and despite it being a bit anxiety provoking it opened my eyes to so much. I see now I need to let go. This is just part of my story. It most likely won’t be a forever situation but God is showing up. This has helped me to see that I need to loosen my grip on things. He has softened my heart and revealed Himself to me slowly more and more proving to me He is trust worthy. Not that He has to but He loves us enough that He wants to. God always has us and always has the best in mind for us. If we just let go and allow Him to move we can see that. Or in my case He will just show you Himself haha… He is always speaking to us and showing us what He desires for us. If we are seeking Him and relying on Him for direction He won’t let us fail. He wants us to take each step with Him as we go. He desires us to desire to be in step with Him.

Remember You are Fearfully Made

xoxo Taylor Nicole

In my deepest fears I’m alone. I’m abandoned. Forgotten. Cast aside. Many times this fear has become my reality. Tonight as I write I feel this pressing word from God “you are seen.” There’s this urgency I feel to write about His love for us because I’ve felt so alone. I’ve felt hidden away from the love of God. Isolated in darkness.

The truth is you are seen. You are loved. Even when we feel our lowest God is right there. When I feel unloved I want to hide myself away. Isolating in my pain. We become fearful our flaws make us unlovable. But not to God. Not to your Abba. He looks at us and sees perfection. He sees the flaws but still calls us worthy – fearfully and wonderfully made. We are truly and deeply known. Seen for who we are and He loves us. There is no greater feeling than that. Knowing that you are truly known and deeply loved to your core.

I constantly need to remind myself of the fact that I am seen. I am loved. When you are your most broken God sees beauty. He sees what we don’t see in ourselves. He sees the heart. Shortly after my breakup God gave me a vision. I was in a garden with Him and He came up to me as I knelt on the ground crying. He lifted my face toward Him and as I looked at Him he told me “You are so beautiful. You are so loved.” In my most broken hour God showed up and reminded me who I am to Him. How God sees me. The thing is there will always be things that people don’t like about you – they won’t “see” you. Not everyone is going to see the real you and like you. And that’s okay because God sees you and He loves you. God doesn’t see us the way others do – He doesn’t see our brokenness and disregard us like trash. He picks up the broken pieces because He sees the beauty in them.

What we might think is a flaw God finds the most special and unique thing about us. There is purpose in our pain. I am still trying to remind myself of that. I still feel the pain of my breakup but I know God has greater things in store. Brokenness leads to our beauty for ashes. God doesn’t delight in our sorrow and suffering. But these trials produce endurance. Something which I am so grateful for. They give us revelation and wisdom. Often times my biggest pain produces my biggest revelation. I think that’s something most find true. We need the trials to draw us near to God. Drawing us closer to the Father gives us the clarity to see our situation – ourselves through His eyes. I find that I don’t realize how far I’ve drifted from Him until I’m placed in these situations.

Pain will come. Loneliness will knock at your hearts door. But God will always uses our brokenness. He uses the painful, broken, messy stuff and He seeps in all the cracks. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” – Psalm 147:3. He turns our brokenness into one of a kind beauty. When you feel most alone seek God and you will find that you aren’t alone. In fact you are completely seen. Pursued on purpose by your Heavenly Father.

Remember You are Fearfully Made ❤

xoxo Taylor Nicole

Fearfully Made by Gods Design

Tag: youareloved

Let Me Go Where You Go

You are Seen