progressnotperfection – Fearfully Made by Gods Design

Sometimes I miss it. Nine months have gone so fast. Yet they haven’t. Some days the pain is worse. Sometimes the hardest part is admitting the truth to yourself. You just aren’t over it. They hurt you and things won’t ever be the same. But that’s okay. Letting go is necessary but sometimes you just aren’t ready. Letting go is a process and it’s different for everyone.

After my breakup I looked around at others going through the same thing and they acted like nothing. Some days I felt guilty or stupid for voicing my struggles with it. That I wasn’t handling it as well as others seemed to be. Then I would hear things like “it takes half the amount of time you dated to get over the relationship.” Dating someone for three years that isn’t exactly something you want to hear or believe. I constantly felt like I was letting go “wrong” like I wasn’t doing something right. I didn’t seem to be handling things and doing things like everyone else…I wasn’t as alright as everyone else appeared to be. But I didn’t want to pretend I was.

Three years is a long time. Nine months later I look back and I see the ways I’ve grown and what I’ve learned. I realize it’s okay that it maybe took me longer to grieve and let go. Maybe I didn’t find someone new the next month but I found myself. I found God. And in the midst of pain I discovered that it’s okay to be different.

You are not them. Your story isn’t theirs and it’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to take your time. Not everyone is on the same timeline and letting go is a process. Allow yourself to feel what you feel – nothing happens over night.

Nine months have gone by but I am finally ready to say goodbye. Goodbye to who I was and who I can never be again. Goodbye to that love. All the promises and expectations that were made. Accepting the truth that nothing was what I thought and nothing will be the same again. But it’s okay because God has something better. When one door closes God surprises us and opens the door to something so much more. Just have faith and trust Him. He is in control and what He has for you is so much sweeter than anything we could dream of.

Ps…Remember You are Fearfully Made

xoxo Taylor Nicole

Honestly, I’ve been feeling distant from God. Less than myself lately. I swing back and forth and struggle to find a balance. But maybe it’s because I never fully found solid ground? I’ve been so busy trying to “fix” myself. I mean that’s a good thing but I feel God is really the only one that can truly mend and fix you.

God brings the revelation and we can either choose to trust Him or continue things our way. I realized that I am still holding onto this control that’s keeping me stuck. The more I hang onto “fixing” myself the more I block out God. Even though working on yourself is a good thing I think we really need to remember to allow room for God to work. My sense of control on everything is still me running the show my way – I never fully submitted my hurt to God. And I want to trust God but I think part of me is scared to fully give everything. After my last breakup it really caused me to guard my heart and I’m starting to realize even from God.

I’ve been struggling like I said and on some level I know why. I was telling myself dig deeper. There’s a root. This root of rejection and deeper than that abandonment that I haven’t given to God. I’ve been so busy trying to prove to myself that I am good enough, lovable, and worthy. Since my breakup I go through waves of feeling good about myself and my progress. But as soon as I let the reminder of what happened in I feel worse again. I see more progress in my fitness – I feel better for a moment. I buy a new outfit – I feel prettier but for a moment. I get a compliment – I feel more worthy but only for a moment. But that’s the problem with basing your worth off of things or other people. It will constantly shift how you value yourself moment to moment.

I didn’t allow my Heavenly Father to remove the deep root of abandonment. The rejection I’ve been feeling manifests into more symptoms – my desire to be “perfect” and prove my worth. I didn’t really realize all this distance I’ve been feeling is because I never fully submitted my complete heart. I’ve been hanging onto my hurt in fear God would turn away. I think the first step into fully healing is surrendering and submitting yourself completely to God. Even if you’re a little scared. God doesn’t love you because you’re “perfect” He loves you because you’re you. I realized the hard way that the more you reject your heart and what you’re feeling the longer it keeps you stuck. You need to stop rejecting yourself – covering up with the lie of “perfection” and learn to except the beautiful, unique, messy, brokenness that makes you so special. You need to accept you are enough because you are more than enough to God.

It definitely is a process and a struggle. I’m still trying to figure it all out. But I know God sees the brokenness and loves us even more. When we begin to be vulnerable with Him and let Him in we give Him the freedom to show us the right path. He will bring healing, restoration, and rebuilding. He will remove the root. So, what’s holding you back? Where’s the root? Pray and ask God – surrender your hurt and your heart ❤

Remember You are Fearfully Made ❤

xoxo Taylor Nicole

Fearfully Made by Gods Design

Tag: progressnotperfection

Letting Go

What’s the Root