There’s that feeling that creeps up on you when you hear a song, visit a favorite restaurant, or watch a certain movie. I loved you once. The memories come creeping in and it’s not sad or happy. Just there. Lingering in the air. Sometimes I can’t find my way around them.

This time of year is bringing back so many mixed emotions for me. Last year around this time I was getting ready to move across the country to be with my ex. And with my birthday approaching in a few months it’s a reminder of the pain. But it’s also a reminder of how much I’ve grown. So much has happened in the last year and I’ve grown so much. It reminds me that either you can accept the things that happen to you and allow God to use it. Or you can let them hold you back. The choice is always up to you.

There’s power in your pain. The story – the testimony you tell speaks to people. Our struggles serve a purpose. My struggles may be insignificant to yours but we each have a story to tell. Each trial serves as an opportunity to inspire, enlighten, and give hope to others through their pain. Some mornings I wake up without a thought of my past. Others as of lately seem to weigh me down with the unmet promises and expectations of what could have been. I think in order to get over these things you have to let go of who you were and where you thought you would be. Sometimes the simplest fix is just leaving the past in the past and allowing yourself to become the person you’re meant to be.

The past year I’ve spent so much time being broken. I allowed someone else’s rejection define me and my current season. Then I had the realization that I’m responsible for what happens next. You need to ask yourself “Do I want to live in the what could have been?” It’s okay to hang up the memories and let go of the feelings. I had to surrender my heart and my hurt to God multiple times. Finally I feel that healing I’ve longed for. It’s all a process. And now I can say “I loved you once” and it’s okay.

Trust in God because He knows what He’s doing. Even though the unknown is scary God has everything mapped out before you. The trials, the tears, and the heartbreak all serve a purpose that is blessing you and causing you to shine for His glory.

Remember You are Fearfully Made

xoxo Taylor Nicole

Seasons change and that’s okay. Each season serves a purpose slowly revealing what God wants for us. Sometimes we need the difficult seasons to remind us why we need God. There is always purpose to everything we go through. Regardless of the season God always has a plan and He is faithful.

Some my highest highs have come from the deepest heart break. God shows up when you least expect it and brings you through the other side even stronger. My previous relationship failed. My future and what I thought was my forever ended when he walked out the door. Love looks different in different seasons. Now almost a year later I am still trying to navigate the waiting and at the same time the idea of dating. I struggle with giving too much and getting my heart broken. It’s okay for different seasons to require different boundaries.

Seasons change because they have to. But sometimes so do we. Without the push to change we never would. Like me with dating – I unfortunately kept making the same mistakes. Giving too much of my heart too soon. Sometimes you need to look yourself in the mirror and give it to yourself straight. Things won’t always be black and white “easy breezy I don’t need to think.” Most of the time when the seasons change we struggle though it. We don’t like change and it’s scary. For me losing love was scary. I kept trying to find it over and over again in the same ways. But seasons change and so do you.

I realized love isn’t always simple. I’m still trying to navigate all this and it isn’t easy. You need to guard your heart but without the risk of opening up you’ll never know. If someone rejects me I just know they weren’t the right one. What God has for you will just happen in unexpected ways – no one can shut the door to what God has for you. You have to trust that He knows what He’s doing. You have to choose not to let every heart break, criticism, and unkind comment destroy you. These things are testing you. God is preparing you and strengthening you. So what is this season trying to show you? Ask yourself “what is God trying to tell me through this?”

Don’t let the fear of what this next season should be or shouldn’t be hold you back. Maybe it’s easier not to get your hopes up or maybe you fear your hopes are too high either way just trust in God. Like I said before I realized love is different in different seasons. I was so fixated on finding love that I lost myself. If you throw yourself into your fears and allow them to consume you you’ll undoubtedly lose yourself. I tip toed on the edge of my convictions in order to be what others wanted of me. Don’t go looking for what God has promised – He will bring it to you. Just seek Him. Seek Him in this season and as the season changes fix your eyes on what God has promised to you.

Remember You are Fearfully Made

xoxo Taylor Nicole

“Come to me. In the stillness. In the silence. Lay your heart down at the foot of the cross. Surrender yourself. Your thoughts, your desires. your will. Give them to me. I will bring what you desire and more.” – God

I’ve been struggling with giving some things to God lately. My heart longs for love and I’ve struggled with hanging onto the toxic in hopes I can make it work in my own will. I feel like we all do this. But we can’t let fear over take our hearts or cloud us from our purpose.

God reminded me to surrender my will and my ways to Him. What He has for me is so much better. I think as humans we hate the unknown. We want to know there’s a plan B – a safety net in case it doesn’t really work out. That someone will be there no matter what to catch us if we fall. But we can trust if God promised it then He will make it happen. Things may not always manifest in the way we dreamed but Gods way is so much better. He sees what we don’t see. He accounts for the detours and mistakes we make.

The other week I was praying about some things trying to find clarity on a decision. God told me either option would be fine – but not His best. I would be settling. What He told me was “You can choose either one but it would be settling. And don’t you want my best for you?” God gives you the option to choose what to do – we have free will. But don’t we want the best? His promise is so much more than we could ever imagine. Out of fear I’ve hovered over this safety net. Not taking a step out trusting God to provide what He has promised.

In order to receive our big ask we need to show up with even bigger faith. God always shows up to provide. Nothing can take away what He has promised to you. Nothing will separate what He has brought together. Sometimes you need to risk it all to see He’s the one right there waiting to catch you when you fall.

Remember You Are Fearfully Made

xoxo Taylor Nicole

Like a fire He consumes. Refining our hearts. Refining our desires. Every trial we endure is producing perseverance. Molding us to be more like our Father.

When the trials would come I used to wonder what I did wrong. Even though I knew Gods protection was laced in my pain. When I couldn’t see what He was doing – I knew Gods way for me was always so much better.

It’s funny when you’re in something you know isn’t Gods best – I feel you tend to cling tighter because you’re scared of the unknown. Well that was me. In literally every relationship ever. But the funny thing is after the fact you look back and you see how much it changed you. Grew you. Refined you.

You see Gods intention is to never punish but protect. To purify you. Your heart is your most prized possession – God wants to strengthen you. The trials prompt your breaking heart to pursue God. Pushing deeper into His presence. A heart positioned toward Him and His prompting will always lead you where you need to go.

So when the fires come – Let it. Let God consume you like a fire. Peter 1: 6-7 “In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.” Thank God that He loves you enough to make you stronger. He desires that you withstand any attack of the enemy. That you stand firm for His case – these trials you endure produce steadfastness.

Allow God to mold you. Let the trials push you into the presence of God where He can strengthen your heart and remind you who you are.

Remember You are Fearfully Made < 3

xoxo Taylor Nicole