“Will you hear me? Know my voice? My whisper is calling.” – Jesus
If Jesus was speaking would you hear Him? Would you know the sound of His voice? We get so bogged down and distracted in our daily lives we miss when He is trying to speak to us. I know we often wait on the “big ask.” Some big over the top red flag to show up and slap us in the face. But really most of the time God doesn’t work like that. Something Jesus has been telling me lately is to trust and look at the small. Pay attention. It has me thinking how we often miss what He has for us. We get too busy looking for the big we miss out on the small. Jesus will often speak in a whisper. Gently nudging our hearts. He will never force Himself on us, but patiently waits for us to pursue Him. I think we forget Jesus desires us to seek Him too. It’s not just a one way street where He constantly chases us down. We often mistake His silence for disapproval or maybe even feel as though He has forgotten us. However, perhaps He is reaching out. Pursuing. Pressing in. Calling you. We just can’t hear His whisper over the distraction and noise of our daily lives. He is speaking in the small. Showing up and making Himself known. Turn off that phone, T.V, and whatever else is stealing your time. Tune in to Jesus. Start seeking Him and look for confirmation in the small. He is right there waiting.
“I am here. Holding your hand, I guide you. Do not be dismayed by what you see but seek me. Turn your eyes to me and seek me. See through the spiritual and not by what is in the natural. This is hard but you must practice. I am right here showing you – speaking to you. Beloved, you are never alone. I am here. I am your Abba, I carry you and lift you up when you are weak. Lean on me. Lean on me for I make those weak strong and graceful like oaks for my glory. You will grow strong and tall. Arise. The time is now. Do not fear I am with you. Always I am with you.” – Jesus
I’m not going to lie I feel lonely. I get sad. I struggle to trust what God says as times. The waiting is tough. But in the word above Jesus reminded me that He is with me. Another thing He has been telling me lately is to seek Him even in the silence. Even when you think He isn’t moving or speaking – seek Him. Things may not seem like they are moving but they are. I tend to feel most lonely as I wait. Maybe that’s true for all of us. I don’t have friends or a spouse and I do basically everything alone. I used to almost define myself as that and sought out everything that didn’t make me feel alone. Until I realized being alone is a blessing. It’s usually God’s way of trying to show you that He wants more time with you. The reminder that Jesus is right there holding my hand guiding me at all times is the reminder I needed. Trusting even when you can’t see is hard, but knowing Jesus is right there guiding you at all times brings a supernatural peace.
Isaiah 61:3 says “All those who mourn He will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. For the Lord has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for his glory.” the NIV version states “and provide for those who grieve in Zion – to bestow on the a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.” This tells me that no matter what circumstances we may face God will restore what was lost and rebuild things better than before. He will give you beauty for ashes. That thing you thought you wanted well God has something better! Joy instead of mourning! As you seek God you are filled with the joy of the spirit. More than that it says “oil of joy” to me that represents and overflowing. So, you won’t just have joy but you will be overflowing with joy! He gives you a garment of praise. He gives you supernatural sight to see into the spiritual and praise what you yet cannot see but hope for. God wants you to get to this place – where He is the only thing you want or need.
This reminds me of the times when I was literally to weak to go on spiritually but God made a way. Jesus physically picked me up and carried me. This last year has been a year of healing. When God speaks something He means it. He will give you beauty for ashes, joy, and praise. It may not happen in the ways you would think or want but He always follows through. As I sit on the other side of my heartbreak I look back and see how far God has brought me. The mourning and pain does bring great joy and praise. I found Jesus. I found Jesus in a whole new way and now experience a rich and intimate relationship with Him. He reveals the promises of His heart for me and I seek His guidance and prompting until they come to pass. That’s the thing when you pay attention to the little every day signs you begin to see Him. God brings warnings and blessings in all shapes and sizes. We may not always need to go through suffering but it also increases our awareness. For me it brought me of a place of complete surrender to Jesus and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I would honestly go through everything all over again to get where I’m at today.
Now as I wait on His promises – even in the silence I seek Him. As you endure trials He makes you strong. You become like that strong oak mentioned above. Unshakeable. Rooted in Jesus. God’s wisdom and strength helping you grow, yet you exude a beauty. Beauty for ashes as He has promised. It’s a different beauty than you had before. Something deep in your heart has changed. You are filled with Jesus. Joy overflows. You can wait and not grow weary as He is right there to catch you if you fall. Jesus is your ultimate companion and best friend. You never wait alone.
Luke 12:27-28 “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you – you of little faith!”
More beautiful than a flower? Yes, you are clothed with the righteousness of God and He has made you fearfully and wonderfully made. He has made you unique and promises to provide for you. Specifically your needs. God didn’t call you to be like everyone else. You were born to be your own unique version of you. Just like each flower is unique, each person God has created is unique. We each have our own special set of gifts and talents specifically hand picked by God. How cool is that!
The moment you embrace who He has called you to be God begins to do amazing things. You walk different. You talk different. You hold yourself to a higher standard when you know you are a child of the King. You are not just a carbon copy but uniquely made. God designed you to be one of a kind. Self acceptance is a powerful thing and once you realize who you are but also whose you are it is life changing.
Not everyone is going to like you, and that’s okay. That’s something that took me a long time to get used to but you can’t please everyone. And if you really ask yourself why should we walk around trying to make sure everyone else is happy and approving of everything we do? I lived that way for a long time and it isn’t fun! God also doesn’t want us to live in that kind of bondage. So, the real question we should be asking ourselves is not “do they like me?” but “do I like me?” Ultimately, that is the only thing that really matters. God approves of you and adores you. Why should it even matter what others think? Ignore what society and social media stays about who you “should be.” Embrace your uniqueness and the things that make you…well you! Nobody else could be a better you so just own it! Rock who God has called you to be.
I wrote a poem when I was 18 and a senior in high school that I feel really resonates with this and I wanted to share it as well. Hopefully, it will be a reminder to someone that your uniqueness and everything you are is everything that you need to be. Just be you ❤ I’ve found the more that I try to be something else or what someone wants me to be I become more depressed, insecure, and unsure of who I really am. This is a tactic from the enemy because he wants you to forget your uniqueness – your purpose. Every gift and talent God placed inside you is for a specific purpose, and if satan can get you thinking it isn’t good enough you could ultimately miss what God has called for you. God never called you to be someone else, that is why He made you the way you are. My poem talks about wanting what others have, trying to get it, but then realizing the real me was what I wanted to be all along.
Once I was a flower
But now I’m just a stem
I didn’t like my petals
So I did away with them
I thought my colors ugly
So I threw them all away
Wanted orange, red, and purple
Didn’t like my shades of grey
To look like other flowers was all I really wanted
Like all the other roses who were never teased and taunted
Like the child who’s picked last for elementary school athletics
I thought I was worthless and blamed it on genetics
I wanted to be chosen for a beautiful bouquet
But I knew no one would want me for my ugly color grey
So I tore my petals out and I threw them to the ground
With the wind they blew away and were never to be found.
Now I stand here naked with all my petals gone for good
And I wish that long ago I would have only understood
That looks can be deceiving and that grey is not so bad
Now I know that I possessed more that I thought I had.
“What is it you grip so tight? Loosen your fingers let go and remember I am God. I hold all things in my hand. I work all things together for my good and yours. Let go and trust me. Trust that my ways are good. My word is true. I will not harm you. All the days of your life I am with you.” – God
Everything God has shown me lately is so different yet perfectly fits together. As I try to cling to my control it is apparent I have none. God wants us to surrender. And whatever that looks like for you may be different to the person next to you. I feel God is wanting us to let go of our biggest desires. Our deepest fears. He wants to be the one to heal our hurt. He wants to be the desire of our hearts. He has been telling me to surrender who I think I should be and just “be.” This world screams in our face and pulls us in so many directions. It is trying to distract us and deceive us from being everything except who and what God created us to be.
I know I tend to come to different situations or people set to “perform.” I think if we’re honest we all do this to an extent. We try to be “perfect” in order to be approved, accepted, or loved. We only show part or maybe a version of ourselves that we feel is more worthy to others. We try to pretend we are not flawed because everything in this world tells us our imperfections and flaws make us unworthy. Well God says the opposite. He finds our flaws and imperfections perfect. God wants you to surrender all those lies. Something He has really pressed into me is to just “be.” I don’t need to try because being me is enough. As corny as it sounds He created me for it! He created you to be you! There is no one else in this world that could be a better you.
God wants us to have peace. Resting in who He created us to be and what He has called us to do. Give up full control. Allow yourself to be real and vulnerable. He calls to the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Surrender and you will find full joy ❤
I keep feeling this need and desire to seek God more. There is a new found thirst and hunger for His word, His presence, and His will. Matthew 6:33 came to mind “But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides.” He is calling us to seek Him.
In prayer the other night God spoke to me on this matter. He said “Seek me. Seek me in all your ways. When you awake seek me. When you eat seek me. When you sleep seek me. Seek me in your dreams. The more you seek me the wiser you grow. I know your desires but do you know mine? My ways are higher than your ways. In my hand I hold 2 things your will, wants, desires. The other has all my blessings. My will. My wants. My desires for you. Don’t be foolish. Don’t squander what I so rightfully give. Surrender Daughter, so you can live in full. Surrender so you can have my knowledge. Deafen your ears and turn your eyes away from this world. It does not suit you to serve it. Seek my face and kneel upon my throne for my glory calls you. My glory desires to cover you. No wonder you sit in desperation you do not fully know. So will you choose? Which hand 1 or 2? Let go of your will your fleshy ways. I have glory. Glory right in front of you.” It is so clear God is calling us to seek Him. He desires an initiate relationship with us.
It is humbling to know God wants to spend time with us! Not just part of the day but the whole day! He isn’t telling us “seek me when I’m done saving the world.” No! He is saying seek me ALWAYS. When you wake – seek Him. When you eat – Seek Him. When you sleep – Seek Him. Everyday all day! He desires to be apart of all decisions, thoughts, actions…everything. I think that is one of the most amazing realizations that one can have. We need to accept that He is always there and desires to have an intimate relationship with us. He loves you for you and desires to be with you! All the time!
So will you seek Him? Will you invite Him in and embrace what He is calling you to do? Open your heart to God and surrender your expectations and allow Him to fill you with His blessings and promises. One thing I have found to be true is that His way is always the best. Even if you can’t see it yet just as Isaiah 55: 8-9 says “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” Declares the Lord “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” Seek God and He will reveal His will to you.
I have been getting urgent messages lately to seek, submit, and surrender. Now is the time as the body of Christ we must be seeking God diligently. Pay no attention to distractions. Turn away from this world. Turn to Jesus – “Run!” He says. Submit your will and your ways and surrender your heart. Jesus is calling you and He is waiting.
So, its been awhile since ya girl has posted on here! If I’m being honest life got in the way. I post what God tells me to and I just wasn’t spending enough time in deep prayer with Him. I went back and forth trying to decide if I should continue this blog or not. Ultimately, God laid it on my heart that I needed to. Even if it is just to help one person it’s worth sharing every bit of what I go through and what God speaks to me. I wanted more of God yet I was seeking all these outside influences. Trying to be enough. Trying to be “more.” We always seem to look to this idea of “more.” At least I can say I did and still do. I want “more”… more time, influence, impact, understanding or whatever it may be. But I feel like our desire for “more” and fears of not being enough get in the way.
This idea of “more” I feel is often thought about one sided. It wasn’t until the other night in prayer that this really hit me. As I cried out to God I said “I want more of you” and instantly He responded “I need more of you if you want more of Me.” WOW! That hit me! Really I think a lot of times we just expect God to magically show up. Don’t get me wrong He can totally do that…BUT He desires for us to seek Him.
I think especially in our society today we say “I want more” and get it instantly. But it doesn’t work this way in relationships and especially in relationship with the Lord. Can you think of a time when you constantly and consistently poured into someone else and received nothing back? I feel that is how God often feels. Not to say that our relationship with Him is based on works because it is NOT…but like any relationship it goes both ways. Jesus died on the cross for us – for you! He loved us so much He couldn’t imagine spending eternity parted from us so He selflessly died on the cross. Relationships are about self sacrifice and doing things you may not want to do for the other person. Did Jesus want to die a horrible death on the cross? He probably wasn’t jumping up and down doing cartwheels about this. Needless to say He did it. He did it because He loved us. That is why we are called to pick up our cross daily and surrender ourselves to Him. Luke 9:23 says “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” Right there in the bible it tells us what to do in order to get to our “more” the intimacy we desire with Jesus.
Sometimes or maybe I should say most of the time in order to get more we need to sacrifice more. This goes for anything! It may be more time, money, effort whatever it is for you. This holds true in relationships – in order for both sides to open up there needs to be equal effort. If you come to Jesus with the expectation of “more” will be given “just because” you’ll never experience the full intimacy relationship with Him offers. It’s a process not an immediate jump. As you open up more giving more of your heart, desires, trauma, and fears Jesus will reveal more of His will, wisdom, and glory to you.
Just remember because you want more doesn’t always mean you’ll automatically get more. In order to get more you need to work for more. This requires dying to your flesh. Pick up your cross daily and die to your will and your way and allow God to show you what He wants for you. Seek Jesus the way He seeks you and experience His love in a whole new way.
Like nothing I’ve ever known. This love that draws me in and fills me with unspeakable joy. Here in the silence I find Him. Here at the foot of the cross I find myself. I am free.
This last year has been crazy. I know we’ve all been through things. Personally, I dealt with heartbreak. Extremely traumatic it took what felt like forever to get over it. Though painful this season of singleness has brought the greatest joy. I let go of the old me and where I thought I should be. I forgave myself but also those that hurt me. In these moments God is cultivating us to be who He’s always planned for us to be.
Singleness can hurt. Be lonely. Create a longing in your heart that you just can’t take. But singleness also prepares you. The longing pushes you deeper into the Fathers arms. There in His loving embrace He heals the hurt and restores you. Preparing you for the next season. Looking back through the heartbreak I see God’s blessings. We tend to look at the things led with our emotions but God sees the bigger picture. When you start seeing things from His point of view it humbles you to a place of praise. When we have the Kingdom perspective it makes letting go of the past, the pain, that person…a little bit easier.
His blessings are woven into every detail of everyday. I see His hand in my story. His grace covering me at my lowest points and lifting me up in His love. In singleness you may endure pain but you also can embrace growth. You weep out in loneliness but learn to dance because you free in your own presence. You rediscover who you are without the need to perform. You realize you were enough all along. In His presence I found myself. I found freedom. The freedom to be myself because I let go of who I was “supposed” to be and accepted who God has called me to be.
Looking back I see the blessings this last year has brought. Pain has produced perseverance. Codependency and a need for love has birthed self confidence. Trying to control my chaos has continually has pushed me towards the cross. He has promised blessings. He is is declaring over you “There shall be showers of blessings.” Ezekiel 34:26.
“We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith” Romans 12:6
What if you looked at what you saw in the mirror and felt “enough?” You stopped measuring your worth and happiness against others. You stopped wondering if your enough was well…enough.
Consumed with being liked, approved, and seeking to be worthy I often find myself in pointless relationships. I look in the mirror and think “am I enough?” So I distract myself. Most of us seek out relationships, social media, tv, shopping and the list goes on and on.
These distractions take the focus off ourselves. And for a moment we stop wondering “am I enough?” But enough is enough! We need to stop letting ourselves get sucked into this idea that our worth is defined by others. That our happiness and value come from things or the approval of others.
What if in your pain, confusion, and questioning there was a bigger picture? Someone or something that could make this unease and endless chase for perfection disappear? Jesus. Jesus is that answer. He knows you and chose you above all else. He sees the good and the bad even the parts you hide in secret. Nothing is unknown to Him. And you know what?! He loves it all. He sees the messy and broken and He says you are worthy. More than that He calls you one a kind wonderfully made.
Never think you have to match someone else’s “enough” because you were created to be unique. Fearfully made. No one else can or ever could be you. So, the next time you’re spiraling down that hole of destruction afraid to be alone with yourself. Remember that you are more than enough. You are your own kind of special and no one else can compare.
So get out there and live your life! Stop trying to be someone else and measure up to something that God never called you to be. You are enough all on your own.
“This may be long overdue. But there’s some things I’d like to say. There’s this hurt I’ve been carrying. A lie held in the depths of my heart. For so long I told myself things were perfect and when you left I held onto that image of us – of you. Together, I thought I couldn’t live without you and apart I realized how far gone I really was. I’m finally ready to admit you just weren’t it. I’m ready to move forward. You breaking my heart was the best thing you ever did. So this is me saying goodbye because I never got the chance to – not like you did.”
Saying goodbye is tough. Even when others tell us we should just let go (and we know we should) it’s a hard pill to swallow. Sometimes the good times ensnare our hearts keeping us stuck. Or maybe it’s all the expectations of what could have been. Regardless of the why it’s time to say goodbye.
It’s been exactly a year now since my breakup. I’ve been thinking about how much I’ve grown and also how much I’ve felt stuck. I know a lot of it has to do with your mindset. The “goodbye” is a process and how slow or fast your go through is up to you.
We each process hurt and heartbreak differently. Some people go out on loads of dates but that’s just not me. I had to really sit and process my feelings. And the other night I was thinking “Oh my gosh! It’s been a year!” I’ve been through so much. So much growth but then just like that the memories consume me. I started thinking to myself “No, I’m done with this.” Going through my breakup was hard but necessary. It taught me a lot about who I was and who I wanted to be. Realizing it’s been a year I just didn’t want my ex to have more time – more of me. He’s gotten 3 years of my time plus this past year I spent grieving. I just woke up inside and said “It’s enough.”
Sometimes it’s good to give yourself a limit and cut things off after a certain point. A year for me was a wake up call. I just want to start living again! You always have a choice to make your life the way you want it. Sometimes the pain can be too much but you know when the time is right. When things are right for you it will just happen. So don’t pressure yourself the way I did. Don’t listen to what others say on how you “should” feel or compare yourself to other people. You know when to say goodbye.
I don’t want to know what it’s like to lose you. These words slip from your lips and you never expect they’ll actually happen. I always thought they meant something different than what they mean to me right now. Looking back at my breakup I always thought the worst thing would be to lose my ex. But now I realize the greater pain is in losing yourself.
It’s almost been a year now and maybe I’m being a baby for still talking about the pain I felt and still feel. The hole it left in my heart and how I’m trying to put my life back together. I gave my whole heart to someone for three years and we made promises to each other. We planned a life together. When forever doesn’t last how do you deal with it? How do you just walk away from the one you never wanted to lose?
One thing I’ve learned through all the pain is that loss makes you stronger. But in order to grow from it you need to acknowledge there is purpose in your pain. Losing my ex was one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through but losing myself or who I thought I was – was even harder. Sometimes in the midst of pain we discover that our worst fears really aren’t that bad. Losing my ex was hard but losing myself was worse. I still struggle with feeling like “me.” For three years my whole identity was encompassed in the world of one person. I’m still trying to figure out who I am without him.
Save yourself the heart break and be careful when giving someone else the power to tell you who you are. You will constantly be living for approval and you’ll forget your own worth. Trust me I know. When your identity is tied to someone else losing them will always feel like your worst nightmare. Don’t lose yourself only to gain someone’s approval because they may not be here tomorrow. When tomorrow comes who is going to remind you who you are? Sometimes we need to let go of our fears of losing someone and know that we are more than enough on our own.
As scary as it is to walk away you won’t be afraid to lose them because you’ll realize the real loss would be to lose who you are. Sometimes you need to lose what you thought you always wanted in order to find who you truly are. The pain of my breakup still affects me but I now see the importance of fully loving yourself. “I don’t want to know what it’s like to lose you” holds a whole new importance in my heart.
Fearfully Made by Gods Design 