I don’t want to know what it’s like to lose you. These words slip from your lips and you never expect they’ll actually happen. I always thought they meant something different than what they mean to me right now. Looking back at my breakup I always thought the worst thing would be to lose my ex. But now I realize the greater pain is in losing yourself.

It’s almost been a year now and maybe I’m being a baby for still talking about the pain I felt and still feel. The hole it left in my heart and how I’m trying to put my life back together. I gave my whole heart to someone for three years and we made promises to each other. We planned a life together. When forever doesn’t last how do you deal with it? How do you just walk away from the one you never wanted to lose?

One thing I’ve learned through all the pain is that loss makes you stronger. But in order to grow from it you need to acknowledge there is purpose in your pain. Losing my ex was one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through but losing myself or who I thought I was – was even harder. Sometimes in the midst of pain we discover that our worst fears really aren’t that bad. Losing my ex was hard but losing myself was worse. I still struggle with feeling like “me.” For three years my whole identity was encompassed in the world of one person. I’m still trying to figure out who I am without him.

Save yourself the heart break and be careful when giving someone else the power to tell you who you are. You will constantly be living for approval and you’ll forget your own worth. Trust me I know. When your identity is tied to someone else losing them will always feel like your worst nightmare. Don’t lose yourself only to gain someone’s approval because they may not be here tomorrow. When tomorrow comes who is going to remind you who you are? Sometimes we need to let go of our fears of losing someone and know that we are more than enough on our own.

As scary as it is to walk away you won’t be afraid to lose them because you’ll realize the real loss would be to lose who you are. Sometimes you need to lose what you thought you always wanted in order to find who you truly are. The pain of my breakup still affects me but I now see the importance of fully loving yourself. “I don’t want to know what it’s like to lose you” holds a whole new importance in my heart.

Remember You are Fearfully Made

xoxo Taylor Nicole